After the ball is over...

I'm sitting here alone in my room, in sort of a soft, quiet, melancholy. Remembering, and reminiscing about the days gone by. Music, dances, floodlights from my youth that almost haunt me. I miss acting. I miss singing. I miss dancing my heart out. I miss performing and making people laugh. I find so much joy and pleasure on stage. At times it feels sad to think I may never do it again. But the Lord has good things planned for me and I know in my heart... I will not be disappointed though at moments like these I feel my heart breaking a little.

You are my confidence.

It's so good to sit down, after a long and very emotionally draining day at work, and just rest. Life has a way of wearing away at us, like water beating against a rock. It's difficult, but nothing that is worth having comes easy. And there is a beauty that is only birthed out of pain; a real, full, rich life that is rooted out of triumphing over difficulty and uncertainty. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, "It's the mountaintop times we long for but it's in the valleys that we truly grow." The times spent on the mountaintop are wonderful and refreshing our soul but we cannot live on mountaintop experiences. Christ is our rock, our confidence. When life is an uphill climb we can be confident that Christ the rock holding us strong while the currents try to pull us away. How beautiful.... Christ... our confidence. I am confident in nothing. not my flesh, not in my job, not even in the people that I love.... in Jesus Christ! HE is my one and only confidence. And I am confident that "neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries for tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39) Be confident today and make Christ YOUR confidence. God bless!!

In Christ Alone,

~Ilene Rose

"Have you seen the one that fits this glass slippers!"

Tonight I sat and watched Christian Fellowship Academy perform Cinderella's Glass Slipper and what a blessed evening it was. The casting was brilliant, the band beautiful, the costumes enchanting, and the night wonderful. After a long week at work it was so refreshing to step into a room full of smiling familiar faces. Some faces I've seen recently, some not for five or six years, but all so beautiful to me!

As I sat there and soaked up the performance though my mind was constantly drawn to two things. The first was the heart and wishes our heart makes. As I sat there listening to the cast sing about dreams and such it go me thinking about the bigger picture. I know I speak for myself when I say it can be a challenge sometimes to take your thoughts captive. It is so easy to see people around you and wish I had this or that, but have we ever stopped to think about the dreams, and the plans, and the hopes, and desires that GOD has for us?! God has so much in store for us that we don't even know... we cannot know! And just like the chest upstairs that was empty to Cinderella's awareness, God has placed a beautiful dress, beautiful plans and future, in that chest that if we only trust Him and go look we will see He is trustworthy.

And sitting there in that auditorium listening to the beautiful voices sing "Dream of Tomorrow" etc. I couldn't help but think of all the tomorrows that God has dreamed and planned for us!! How exciting is that?! We know that we have a plan and a purpose that has been fabricated by the very Creator of the world!!

Secondly, the thought that crossed my mind was during the sequence with Cinderella and the Prince. As I watched them dialog back and forth I thought about Jesus, our Prince. I know it seems a bit out on a bunny trail but my mind is a strange and curious thing. As I sat there, I began to think about how Christ, our Prince, is hot on the pursuit for us! He is not just casually asking "Have you seen my bride?" but He's looking, seeking, pursuing us!! "Is there not one that will fit this slipper!?!?!" And for a moment I got choked up because I realized that there are many that want to be royalty but have no desire to LOVE the Prince!! Did you hear me?! Let me say it one more time. There are many that want to be royalty but have NO desire to love the Prince. Lord, let it never be said that I was royalty but didn't love the Prince!!! Let me be one that was known for my LOVE for You!!

Christ is our Prince. I have nothing more to say. We will never understand how deep, and how long, and how high, and how wide the love of Christ is for us! Lord, draw us in to Your love more!! Pull us under and saturate us!! Drowned us in Your unquenchable love and let us never be the same again!!

In Christ Alone,

~Ilene Rose

Oh! The ever growing gift of a Mother!

As I have been contemplating the many gifts God has given me, the one gift that seems to rise above the rest, second to the gift of His Son Jesus Christ, is the gift of my mother. One of my deepest desires is to someday be a wife and mother and to see my mother everyday, sacrificing, loving, worshiping, praying, caring, etc. My heart grows with only more overwhelming love, admiration, and respect for her. "Her children arise and call her blessed!" Proverbs 31:28. I would say that is an understatement! I see her and my heart says "That is one blessed woman! That is what I want to be someday!" My mother to me is more then just my mother! Here are a few things my mother is to me.

She is the one who gave me life. With the staggering number of abortions every year, I look around at a world of chaos and madness and ask "Why?!" I thank GOD and my mother for giving me the GIFT of LIFE! I thank God that she saw the value of life and chose to give me life!! And not only life but showed me Christ and eternal life!!

She is my BEST friend. Through thick and thin she has stuck by me. She has watched from the sidelines cheering me on and she has run along side me with water when I was in need. She hangs out with me, jokes with me, talks about God with me, shops with me, watches movies with me, and goes on random "naughty" trips to Starbucks with me. We share each other's secrets and love each other no matter what!!

She is my role model. The one I look up too and try to model my life after. If there is anything praiseworthy or beautiful seen in me it is first because I saw it in my mother and all of my days I have set under her to learn from her so that I can someday teach my children as well.

She is my teacher. From walking and talking, homeschooling, and singing, to chores, cooking, responsibilities, character, integrity, etc. These are all things my mother has taught me. There are countless lessons learned over the past 23 years; little moments, words of wisdom, eyes watching when she was unaware, and unconditional love that has made me the woman I am today. It was because of the severity of her love for me that I pray everyday to be the kid of woman she is!!

She is my angel. Good times or bad. She is my angel. When it seems like nothing is going right she is there to cheer me up and encourage and strengthen me. She is the angel on my shoulder that when my friends have wanted to do things they knew were wrong, I could stop and say confidently that I wanted no part of it because my "angel" taught me well and was watching over me.

She is my intercessor. Boy! That woman can pray!! I have been in hard places, in dark places but let me tell you when the Devil wanted to fight off when those oven mitts and my mom was in his face fighting him tooth and nail!! She is an intercessor, a warrior, and though she is small on the outside she is a giant in the faith on the inside!! She will pray through every storm, every fight, every battle, every war, and every spiritual attack that the enemy DARES to try throwing at her. She IS the kind of woman that when her feet hit the foot in the morning the devil cries, "OH no! She's up!!"

She is my personal cheerleader. Well, besides the fact that my mother really WAS a cheerleader, she is my biggest fan! She is the one person that I know will be there for me no matter where I go or what I do and she will cheer louder then any other person because she is MY mom!! She is the one that encourages me when I feel like I cannot go on and she motivates me to be all that I can be and won't let me quit on myself!

And lastly, but certainly not least, she is MY MOM!! She is not some random mother out in the world but she is MY mother!! God gave her to ME and when He did that He gave me the greatest earthly gift He ever could! He gave me a woman that is passion about God and after His heart. He gave me a woman that always puts everyone before herself. He gave me a woman that's beauty shine s from the inside out AND the outside in!! He gave me a woman that is faithful, loyal, sacrificial, dependable, trustworthy, hard-working, etc! And He gave me a woman that is FAR beyond rubies!!! A woman that praises the Lord above all!! And THAT is why I want to be JUST LIKE HER!!!!!!

I love you, Marmee!!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

Short & Sweet

So, as of late, I have been contemplating relationships. I have been eying others, courting, dating, married, etc. I have been observing and weighing the commitment and responsibility that is gone into a relationship. The love, the sacrifice, the forgiveness, the time... and then I look at my past. I see the 'relationships' that I had and all their dysfunctions. I see how, in a sad and pathetic attempt to preserve something that was started wrong, I tried to lead the guy and push him closer to the Lord. I tried to center our relationship on God when he wanted it to be about him.

I have seen the selfish side of relationships. I have seen the ugly, the hurtful, the harmful, but God has used those times in my life as a way of helping other girls around me realize they deserve better and I deserve better then that. People don't always get me. People misunderstand me, even my own family, but the Lord spoke to me when I was young Habakkuk 2:3 "... Though he linger, wait for him. He will surely come and will not delay." I know that God has someone special for me out there, but first and foremost I am His! He is my beloved and I am His! Nothing shall separate me and my Jesus! he is my first love, my last love, and my only love. He may give me another love but only in His time and so I wait for him patiently. I am not anxious for anything but present my requests to the Lord and pray for His will in my life.

What is so short and sweet about this blog? Life is short.... singleness is shorter. Remember that it is a GIFT from God!! Enjoy it because you can never go back to these days! And sweet! This life is full of sweet things but if we focus on "When am I going to meet him/her?!" "When am I going to get married?!" When will I feel like my life is starting?!" then we will miss every sweet moment that was a gift, a treat, for us from God! Enjoy singleness! It's short and sweet!!

God bless!!

In Christ Alone,

~Ilene Rose

This Is The Day The Lord Has Made!

I woke up this morning and to my surprise the sky was overcast.

"This is the day the Lord has made."

I finally have a day off and my room is in a state of disarray.

"This is the day the Lord has made."

I have a list of things to do today.

"This is the day the Lord has made."

I have to sort through all my summer clothes and pack away the winter.

"This is the day the Lord has made."

There are bills, grocery lists, laundry to do, etc.

"This is the day the Lord has made."

There will be days when it seems nothing gets done. Laundry piles up, the to-do list gets longer instead of shorter, but one thing remains constant... God. He is faithful and constant. He is present and not a spectator but a participator in our lives! He works all things together for good and is loving and merciful towards all.

There will be days that are overcast, even dark nights of the soul. There will be valleys, shadows, and storms in our lives but never forget that God is for us. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ and everyday we wake up to see He is faithful. We are alive, breathing, full of life in the Spirit! This truly is an amazing day!! Let us never take one day for granted.

God bless your day!!

In Christ Alone,

~Ilene Rose

For the sake of updating

Well, for the sake of updating... that seems to be all I'm coming up with. Have you ever stopped to contemplate the phenomenon of thoughts or lack thereof? I mean seriously, can anyone number the thoughts a person has in a day? Or answer the questions and longings of one's heart? Can a person not think something and where do the thoughts so undesired appear from? And on that note what of dreams? Is it something we eat, or watch before bed, or the deepest intents of the heart, or are all dreams God given or does He use the dreams of our leftover meatloaf? hmm... If I have said it once I have said it a million time, "Life is a complex coil of chaos and questions."

There are so many questions that remain unanswered. There will always be things we as finite humans, mere creations, will never understand. But as creations we can look to the Creator, our Creator, and follow His leading. Listening to His voice, obeying His commands, searching out how high and how wide and how deep His love for us is. Then one day, when all this passes away, we will see Him in full, in all His glory and splendor and the questions that occupied our minds before will fall flat before Him and the only question on our mind is how long is eternity.... because it'll never be long enough! :) God bless you all!!

In Christ Alone,

~Ilene Rose

This is your life...

So I'm sitting up, it's 1:21AM and I've got lots of thoughts running thought my mind. I know, I'm already off to a bad start. haha... Thoughts seemed to get backed up in my mind, like there is a small passage for them to filter though and after so long everything comes to an abrupt stop when everything plugs the filter. Why am I telling you this? Because, I know I'm probably not the only person that has issues going in and around my life.

Bills, relationships, future, hopes, dreams, disappointments, the list is never-ending. There is one thing that in the midst of the world-wind around me though that I seem to always look to, almost to see if somehow it would have changed, is God. And once again, I'm overcome with the peace of knowing Him and the consistency that He has holds over my life and not only my life but my future and then entire world! I am reminded that once again, He is great and I am small. He is the potter and I am the clay. He is the Creator and I, the creation. He is the author and I am His story. Nothing that happens in my life surprises Him but He knew and knows everything will happen. He has searched me and He knows me. He knows when I lay down and when I rise. He knows when I am rejoice and when I mourn. If the Father knows me and every hair upon my head, and knows the plans of good things He has for me, then what do I have to fear?

I know there are many things in my life I can do nothing about but I know that God knows everyone of them and He has already answered them. So right now I want to believe God and thank Him in advance for helping me get out of debt. I want to thank God for the ministry He is going to place me in and for the ministry I am in right now everyday. I want to thank God for my family and friends. I want to thank God for the amazing man of God that He has for me and that he will find me in God's timing. I want to thank God for His unswerving devotion to me. And I want to thank God for helping me be as unyielding to Him as He is towards me. :) Amen!!

So yes, this was a lot of mumbo-jumbo but it was all from my heart. There are a lot of unanswered questions but for now I think I'm okay with not knowing. As long as I know God knows. ;) God bless everyone!!