Bittersweet

So yesterday I had a rather amusing day at work. I had a customer give me his number and tell me "I know you won't call but please... hold onto it." He was very nice. Seemed genuine. I'm guessing early/mid 30s. And not at all bad on the eyes. I will not be calling him though, despite his attempts.

So why am I telling you this? In the few moments of talking he somehow felt compelled to share a good portion of his life story with me rather randomly and then was completely taken back that he told me. Apparently, I'm the first person he's talked to in a long time. He was dealt a bad set of cards and because of it has a lot of heart ache and hurts. And I could offer him nothing but Jesus. He told me that he has a hard time wrapping his mind around a God and bad things that happen. We parted our separate ways but after the novelty wore off.

After, the flattery and feeling special and noticed for a moment I was left with the bitter after taste still lingering in my mouth. I seem to have, in my experience, a tendency to attract guys literally old enough to be my grandfather. I kid you not! And this was the first guy that wasn't over 60, married, engaged, a wiccan, atheist, a player, druggie or any other thing. He was normal.

And I thought to myself, in a moment of weakness, what is wrong with me? Why are the men that I have no interest in attracted to me and yet the kind of man I seek, a man after God's own heart... never even glances my way. And the Lord, in His mercy and love, answered me before the words could fall from my lips. He began to show me that there have been men, godly men, that have asked me out and how I have turned them down. Not because I think myself better then them, but because in my heart I knew they were not the one and I would never lead someone on intentionally.

They were nice men, very nice, but the man God has for me is still out there. Maybe I know him, maybe I do not but one thing I do know is that the lack of "attention" that I seem to be experiencing is not because I'm not good enough but because I believe the men of God are guarding their hearts and mine. God holds the key to my heart and the only way to my heart is first through His. Many have tried to pry the gate and failed. God holds the key and God alone knows who is the one to enter through the gates. I want to encourage you, do not be discouraged! God has a hope and a plan and a future for you!! And I charge you, do not awaken love!

Do not awaken love!!

Please, do not awaken love....