26 years... and counting

... This day comes but once a year and now and it is almost here. Each year has brought something new, some good and some pain. I look back over the past 26 of my life and I'll tell you what I see.

1. I see a little girl with bouncy red curls, so full of love and life and joy.

2. I see a little girl dancing and singing (and "bouncing") every waking moment!

3. I see a little girl singing Sandi Patty while her mother vacuums and singing "Via Dolorosa" on her swing set truly believing that if I sang loud enough people would here about Jesus and instantly get saved!

4. I see a little girl surrounded by a loving family that loves Jesus!

5. I see a little girl lost in a dream world in her room, playing Mozart and Bach on her *ahem* cassette player and waltzing around the room with her imaginary partner.

6. I see a little girl with a quick wit and and imaginary friend 'Emily' in her mirror.

7. I see a little girl give her heart... her whole heart to Jesus at 3 years old.

8. I see a little girl that never quite fit in anywhere. A girl that was the "weird kid", the "oddball", the "loner", the "misfit" but was determined to never compromise who she was.

9. I see a little girl that loves to spend most of her time (hours and hours at a time) alone in her bedroom worshiping and speaking with the Lord. 

10. I see a little girl with dreams to sing and preach before nations and see the nations of the world fall to their knees and confess "Jesus IS Lord!"

11. I see a little girl that was told "Never sing... you'll never be as good as your sister." and instead of stopping, she continued to sing, 9 years later joined a worship team and now leads worship.

12. I see a girl that opened her heart to love and was burnt over and over again, but even though she walked through the fire the Lord was walked through it with her. Now she is able to share out of her experiences and help others.

 That little girl was and is me. I look at the world around me and the people and the people that surround me and wonders from day to day, "How could I possibly be so blessed?" How can I sum up the gratitude for the last 25 years? How can thank God enough for the life I've been given. 

 All day long, I have felt this looming doom called "old age" hanging over my head. I never minded growing up before but this year it seems different. It's not sweet 16, it's not 21, no it's not even 25... I am turning 26 and though my heart still feel like that little girl, I have felt all day like I am losing her. Growing up is quite bittersweet really. Lives changes, people move on, and over time I have slowly learned over the years to let go. 

 People joke and tell me that I don't act my age. This is partially true. I don't feel 26. I feel like that little girl that loves life and God! I feel like a girl full of joy and wonder and love. I never want to lose that. I never want to stop dancing in the rain, or laughing at the moon, or singing and praising the Lord till I feel like my heart could burst!! I never want to lose that, nor will I because that little girl is not lost, she just looks a little different. 

 Time will go on, eventually I will have grey hair and wrinkles. But every hair on my head will be another lesson I have learned that I can share with others and every wrinkle on my face will be another memory that I cannot help but smile and laugh till I cry. Yes, I may be 26 on the outside but I am forever young in my heart and that is something that time cannot take from me. 

Psalm 139O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.